I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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