So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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