Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
