I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
