See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
