were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
