You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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