I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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