An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
porn star boner night. come get it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
