I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
