That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
