so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
