Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
your like the ambassador to my penis.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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