that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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