Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
