my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
