you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
