Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
someone owes me an orgasm
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
