In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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