i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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