So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
