ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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