Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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