You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
