no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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