i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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