Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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