Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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