I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
