Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
