I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
