There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
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You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
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Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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