party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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