if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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