yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
