she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
