The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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