Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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