I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
