I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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