Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
