I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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