I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
