I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
