i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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