Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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