Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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