My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
