i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
