She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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