i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
and you fell through a lawn chair
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
