So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
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Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
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i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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