apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Also, beer. Big fan.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
