you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
