i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
