i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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