Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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