I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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