4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my being single is dangerous.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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