Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
