so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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