you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize