Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
