I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
