some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
