Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
