my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize