i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
