Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
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