his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
