Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
