I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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