I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
