I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
